The German Compliment

If you ask me,
Germans are alright people.
They drink to laugh,
are joyous and loud
and don’t try and talk politics
with me at 2:00AM
like those in other countries do.

However, they do one thing
that strikes me as odd.
If and when they compliment you,
they always add an insult after.
The insult is stronger
than the compliment
and completely
cancels it out.

I call it – The German Compliment.

In Munich, a blonde girl – quite pretty,
with a voice like a sexy double agent
in a James Bond film,
walks up to me confidently,
interrupting the conversation at hand, stating,
“You guys were very good,
not as good as some groups, but good.”
I said, “Thank you.”
She checked my eyes for sarcasm,
didn’t find any,
turned
and went back to her friends.

In Goettingen, a wet drunk,
slapped my shoulder,
gave me a full body shake
and embraced me.
“Your new record is great,
track four is shit,
but it’s great.”
I said “Thank you.
Track four is my favorite,
give it another go.”
“No,” he said. It’s shit.”

Yes,
the German Compliment.
It’s quite confusing when
you’re not ready for it,
but very fun,
when you are.

My favorite was from Erfurt though -
“I only liked it because I was drunk.”
said a slobbery young man.
It’s short and has a good punch.
I told him,
“Well, I’m glad you’re drunk.”